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Details for the discerning bridegroom

by | 15 November 2014 | Groom

You may be her perfect man, but that doesn’t automatically make you the perfect groom.

You’ll have to put in a bit of extra effort to distinguish yourself on the day. Here are few pointers to get you started:

(We’re using the he/she pronouns for this one. But if you’re a groom and you’re marrying another groom, much of it still applies.)

The golden rule: it’s all about her

There’s no point trying to sugar this one up: even though this may be the biggest day of your life, you’re still just the side salad. You’re Robin. Garfunkel. Watson. Penfold. Niles. That hairy guy who’s always hanging around Ewan McGregor.

Although, playing second fiddle does not give you an excuse to just go with the flow. You should never be saying “she’s organised it all, I’m just going to be there for her and follow orders.” No, no, no!

Being passive and just following orders will not make you an attentive groom. You need to be actively involved and come up with your own ideas.

Do something special

There are so many ways you can surprise your bride with an extra romantic touch. Before, during or after the wedding. Or even the morning after.

One of our friends (a scotsman whose wife is Indian) remembered the Indian tradition of newlyweds driving a car over a coconut for good luck. So he brandished a coconut out of nowhere (stop sniggering at the back!) and, well, we don’t know how the mechanics of it worked. But it was a nice romantic gesture.

A more obvious idea would be to have a bunch of flowers sent to the bride’s home on the morning of the wedding. Or perhaps have a special gift prepared for the evening.

Find yourselves some private time

This makes a big difference. Find a way for the two of you to escape the maelstrom and have some time alone as husband and wife. Even if it’s only for 15 or 20 minutes.

This can be a good time to eat – something brides often forget to do. If you’re holding your reception somewhere that has a garden, have a champagne picnic prepared and whisk her away from the crowd for a few minutes to eat and just be together. Trust us, your perfect groom points will go through the roof.

Coordinate with the bridesmaids

If you do decide to set up a little surprise like the picnic idea, you’ll need someone in the bride’s camp to help take care of the practicalities. So get the bridesmaids onboard. They’re close enough to the bride to have an all access pass to deliver gifts and set up surprises, but they’re not so close to the bride that they’ll have to sneak around (like the bride’s mother).

Get the ushers organised

Simple one, this. Just make sure they know who goes where at what time. The bride’s party should never be called in to oversee ushers’ duties. If they are, you’ll be fully deserving of the classic phrase: “you had one job to do.”

Don’t be scared to show some emotion

The rule here is the same for grooms as for advertisers: show, don’t tell.

Don’t think that peppering the day with hollow clichés like “you look beautiful” and “I love you” counts as showing emotion. It doesn’t.

Showing emotion is letting go of the odd tear that might well up in the big moments. It’s that gentle touching of foreheads and meeting of eyes that gives you a moment of intimacy in a crowded room. It’s the speech that’s original and genuinely heartfelt, even if it makes you sound like a total big girl’s blouse (again: it’s all about her).

Know when to leave her alone

You don’t have to be joined at the hip with your bride all day. After the speeches and the food, she might want to have a wander around, chat with relatives, prat around with her friends for a while.

If so, just let her go. No one likes the guy who’s constantly draped over his lady’s shoulders like a cross between a shawl and a security guard. It makes people uncomfortable and it reeks of insecurity. Don’t be that guy.

Careful on the booze

Seriously. Go easy on the booze.

Even if you’ve followed our instructions and been the perfect groom at the perfect wedding, you’ve still got a wedding night to go. Too many tequilas could leave you struggling to pump your piston, running out of juice before the race is run, or, even worse, suffering a hydraulics failure.

We’re talking about sex, by the way.

So to finish where we started…

It’s all about her. So you’ll need to be selfless.

But there’s an important distinction to make here, because there are two ways to be selfless. For example:

Some people give to charity. They do it generously and anonymously.

Some people give modestly to charity, then make a point of plastering that fact all over their Facebook and their Twitter. They wear the badge of that charity and take any opportunity to work it into a conversation. When they don’t get the ample pats on the back they expect, they quietly wonder to themselves whether it was worth it.

You see what we’re saying?

The discerning bridegroom has only one priority: to give his bride the happiest day of her life. And that should be the only thing you need to make it the happiest day of your life too.

About the author

Matt Phil Carver

Matt’s a copywriter and blogger from West Sussex, England. He spends his days helping people simplify their writing and give their words more punch and personality. At weddings, Matt’s always quick to get up and dance, even when the vicar’s telling him to wait for the reception.


Groom Details for the discerning bridegroom