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Choosing a Best Man

by | 11 October 2014 | Groom

You’ve known each other for an age now. You’ve gone through a lot together. You’ve been on adventures, you’ve shared laughs and you may have even shared some tears.

You’ve been thinking about it for some time now, and you just have a feeling that this is it. This is the time. After years of going out for drinks and meals, sitting on the couch and watching TV, trips to the cinema and exciting holidays. After waking up, hungover, spooning in bed, you’re ready to pop the big question.

‘Will you be my best man?’

The relationship between a groom and his best man is special, but some grooms find it quite hard to decide which member of their motley crew is best suited for the role. If you’re not someone that has an obvious ‘bromance’ flowering, you may want to consider more practical reasoning behind your choice.

And if you do have that special man in your life, you also have to consider whether your best mate is actually the best person for the job. You can start by asking some questions of their character. Are they organised? Are they reliable? And rather importantly – does the bride-to-be like them?

Of course, you can’t completely judge your friend’s character on how they behave around you. Yes, they might be one of the lads. Yes, they might seem like they can’t take anything seriously. Yes, they may always be eager to jump off of high things and squirt whipped cream up your nose while your asleep, but that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be able to pull through for you when the time came around to be serious.

It could mean that. But it might not.

The only way to really figure that out is to sit them down (maybe with a nice cool pint) and have a serious (well, mostly) chat.

If your choice in best man isn’t as easy as taming a best friend though, there are a few things you can do to slim down your options and make a sensible choice.

‘Will You Ruin My Wedding?’

Start out by eliminating (we don’t mean killing, that’s illegal folks) people that clearly aren’t fit for the job. Imagine your prospective best men taking part in different elements of the wedding and how they would perform.

Your mate, Humphrey, may give a fantastic speech, but his inability to stand after a couple of toasts will hinder his ability to fulfill his duties. Then there is your brother who’s an accountant, he’s top-notch at organising and you know he will be totally reliable, but his idea of a fun time might not provide you with the most memorable stag-do.

You might even consider sitting down with the bride-to-be and going through the list of people you’d consider. We have no doubt that she’ll be able to point out why some of your friends simply aren’t suitable.

‘Will You Improve My Wedding?’

Now that you’ve made your way through a list of people and crossed off anyone that won’t be able to do some of your wedding duties, you can now seek out the people that will excel in certain areas.

The best man will need to organise the stag-do, look after the wedding rings, delivering a heart-felt speech and make sure things aren’t getting out of hand at the reception (or the stag-do). They might also be required to organise certain parts of the wedding to help take some of that stress off you.

Do any of your candidates excel in organising or handling difficult situations? Are any of them unquestionably reliable or great at thinking on the spot? These are all great traits for a best man, but there is one crucial part of picking a best man that we haven’t totally covered.

‘Do I Like You?’

It’s fairly obvious, but in some ways, this can override ability. A good friend will be able to pull through for you because they are your friend. They might not necessarily have natural ability in the areas required, but they’re passionate about you, and so are willing to go the extra mile. They will learn how to organise, they will research how to write a speech, they won’t let anyone else ruin your wedding.

It ultimately comes down to you and, in a large part, your gut feeling. Who immediately jumps to mind? Who do you like? Will they pull through for you? If not, is there anyone that will do a great job? How about your dad?

It is worth mentioning at this point that you don’t necessarily have to choose a guy. If your best friend is a girl and she is awesome at event planning and giving speeches and handling drunken family members, as long as your bride-to-be, or even groom-to-be, doesn’t mind, why not choose her?

And you don’t just have to choose one person, but we’ll talk about that next time.

For now, consider your options. Remember that a good friend will pull through for you, while someone you don’t know as well might do a good job, but just with less passion. Let us know about your best man dilemma in the comments below.

About the author

Paul Macklin

Paul is your friendly neighbourhood poet/cynic. He believes in story-telling, curiosity and peanut-butter sandwiches and he spends the vast majority of his time writing stuff. Paul learnt how to write stuff at Portsmouth University where he earned himself a Masters degree in writing stuff. Neat huh? Paul also hates writing in third person.

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Groom Choosing a Best Man