Conversations to Avoid on the Wedding Day
A couple of months ago, our very own Jo provided us with a rather comprehensive guide to things that we should probably avoid saying to the bride or groom in the lead up to their wedding. But just because you’ve avoided saying a few things in the weeks prior to the big day doesn’t mean you can suddenly blurt out your feelings on certain matters straight after the ceremony. Understandably, having just got married, the couple probably aren’t fully prepared to hear your thoughts on how you would have ‘done it differently.’
Weddings are a celebration of life and of love, and if the couple in question have seen fit to invite you to their wedding, it’s probably because they’d love for you to celebrate with them. This doesn’t give you a free pass to question the choices they made regarding their wedding, this is their wedding, they know what they want.
So if you’ve managed to navigate the lead up to the wedding without dropping yourself in it, here are a few more tips on things not to say whilst you’re at the wedding. We know you can do it, because you’re a winner.
It wasn’t as good as…
On a scale from one to ‘you should never say this, to anyone, ever’, this comes pretty close to the top. Whether you are thinking of comparing the wedding you’re at to a friend’s wedding, one of the couple’s previous weddings or a celebrity wedding, they don’t want to hear it. And people won’t want to overhear it. Firstly, it can be considered rude – you’ve been invited to a wedding that has cost the couple or their family a lot of money, to shun it by saying it is less great than another wedding is ungrateful. Secondly, every bride I’ve ever met has wanted their wedding to be unique to them. Are you going to be the one to explain to her that she could have done it better? Because I don’t fancy your chances.
And this isn’t one of those things that you can eventually say to someone after things have ‘settled back in’. This is just one of those things that is probably best kept to yourself. If you really feel a need to vent your dissatisfaction, we suggest confiding in someone totally unrelated to the wedding couple at a date after the wedding. For now try and focus on the good things about the wedding.
…since the Funeral.
Whilst it might have been some time since you last saw your friends or family members, reminding everyone that it was at so and so’s funeral is a surefire way to put a downer on the event. As I said before this is a celebration for life, and whilst your late Aunt Muriel might have loved it, we’d encourage sensitivity surrounding the recent death of loved ones. Different people remember things differently, they may have alternative memories or emotions surrounding a loved one’s death.
The D Word.
This should probably go without saying, but nobody on their wedding day wants to hear about divorce. Yes, divorce is rampant these days. Yes, you know someone that got divorced. Yes, it happens. Today it isn’t important and it has nothing to do with the couple who are celebrating – they are in love and want to celebrate that.
Even joking about it is massively inappropriate, and whilst you’re likely to know their sense of humour quite well, their family members might not appreciate the joke. Do yourselves and the couple a favour and just omit this word from your vocabulary for the day.
Any sentence that begins with this seemingly insignificant, three-letter word has the capacity to cause both you and the couple a headache. If you ask questions about why the couple did things in a certain manner on their wedding day you’re likely to cause negativity. People that have spent lots of money on their decisions aren’t too keen on having those decisions questioned. Obviously the ‘why’ is just the start of it.
Some questions are far more loaded than others: ‘why wasn’t your Great Aunt Muriel invited?’, ‘Why didn’t you wear your great, great grandmother’s wedding dress?’, ‘Why did you do your hair/nails/makeup like that?’ And so on. Ultimately, the choices made for the wedding are made to best suit the couple, not to suit those attending. Awkward questions like this will just pile extra stress onto the couple.
If you’ve got nothing nice to say…
‘Didn’t you’re mother ever tell you?’ I’m not a big fan of clichés, but I have to agree that this one is probably true, especially when you are dealing with a potentially homicidal bride-to-be. If you’ve got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. You can apply this to most moments in your life, but consider it seriously when you are discussing someone’s wedding at their wedding.
They’ve been stressed out, they’ve been worried and they are tired. So if you want to stand any chance of making it through the wedding day alive, just say positive things or say nothing at all.
Maybe we’re too late though. Maybe you’ve already put your foot in it? Can you think of a time that you or a friend said something inappropriate at a wedding? If you can share it in the comments below!
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